Daily Itinerary of Your Shitty Bro-Worker
7:00 am: Wake up and hit the fucking gym brah. You know I gotta get these gains. All those hotties at work gotta see me. Does anybody really see me?
8:00 am: That was a tight workout! Gotta Snapchat my whey protein shake for my bros and them ladies. I have so many hot ladies following me right now. They love to see ya boy flexing. I’m so hot. I’m hot, right? If I’m not then I am nothing. Nothing at all, in this dark, dark world. My body is the ONLY thing I care about because it’s the only thing people are ever going to know. My heart and my mind were broken long ago by someone who I STILL am not over and never will be over because that would require a degree of openness I will never allow myself to get to, lol. Anyway headed to work!
9:00 am: Rolling into work, clean as a whistle. I put on extra cologne for hot Jessica at the front desk. She knows she likes it. I love when she looks blankly at me when I ask her out every day. She stopped saying no after a while. I hope to wear her down to the core later this year. I think I like her because she reminds me of my mother, but a mother who could love me and would actually hug me when I cry and not take sleep sleep pills to escape spending time with me. Woo! Time to get to my desk and grind!
12:00 pm: Lunchtime baby. I’m going to protein up with my bros. Jackson and Ben went out this weekend and I want to hear ALLL about those hot bitches they fucked. Brian and Kelvin want to come with but they are lame, honestly. They don’t want to talk about hot bitches like we do, it’s like, do you even get laid bro? Whatever. I got Jackson and Ben to talk about the sport game this weekend. I remember playing sports when I was a child. My father was my coach and boy did he make me not feel good enough. Always called me out for being a “loser.” Hahah yeah, I'll just shove that down for now.
1:00 pm: Big client meeting today. I had that ice queen Monica in with me. She always knows what she’s talking about and I hate it! It makes me feel so emasculated to have a woman know what's going on. If she is better than me then what am I, “gay” lol? I just combat that gnawing feeling deep inside me by talking over her and explaining what she just said back to her because she obviously needs to know I wear the pants in this meeting. Makes me feel like a man. And besides the client likes me more anyway, right? Right?
3:00pm: Almost done for the day. I’m looking at my emails and I think that one of the clients wants to f-u-c-k-k-k-k-k; she def does. I see the way she signs off on her emails “Take Care, Sabrina” thats a hot fucking name. I think I will message her on Linkedin with a dick pic, just because I can tell what she likes. And if she doesn't respond she's just a fucking bitch anyway.
3:15pm: I just messaged her! Let's see what magic will happen. I got a great darkly lit shot of my penis in the men's bathroom of my place of work. Weird though, when I was setting up for the pic, I felt this weird feeling I have never felt before. I think its called concern for others? I don't know - either way I got a great shot and sent it to Sabrina. She sounds so exotic, my bros will be proud.
3:25pm: Oh fuck she saw it! Waiting for a response!
4:00pm: Nothing yet - but I can feel I’m gonna get it IN.
4:15: Uh-oh, HR called me into the office. I wonder if Jessica fucking said something to them, that bitch. Or Marie, or Ashley, or Kendra, or Lateria, or Maxine, or...
4:30 pm: Shit dude. I’m fired lol.
5:00 pm to 9:00: I trek home with a box of my things. Trying to justify my actions that caused this ending to happen. Why me? What is it about me that makes people not like me? I’m attractive, I’m hot and strong and smart, right? What do these women want?! Whatever, I’ll just change my name, shave my head and get a job in finance where no one will know who I am. Not even me.