Oscar Statuette Revamped To Hold AR-15
The Academy Awards. A time where everyday people can watch celebrities, directors, producers and creators compete for the highest public honor - an Oscar. The classic golden Oscar statuette has been the same since 1929 - a gold humanoid with crossed arms and no facial features - except soon, the Oscar will be holding an AR-15.
The miniature AR-15 will have all the bells and whistles of the semi-automatic weapon, along with an extra magazine and a map to all gun free schools in the country. Those who win, will also get a small card stating they are exempt from being called a “terrorist” if they do so decide to use the gun. However, they will be called “Mentally Unstable” to distract from the ridiculous fact that the AR-15 was gifted to them via an awards show.
“With all of these companies cutting ties with the NRA, they came to our organization to donate some funds. They poured a lot of money into next year's ceremony, and adding the AR-15 was one of their requests!” stated the president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, John Bailey “I mean, we here at the academy will put up with just about anything as long as there is money involved! Think about Weinstein, Allen, The Afflecks’, Seagal…”
He continued to list out names but had to take a moment to sip of Fiji brand water, which was freshly opened by his armed guards. “Oh these guys?” he motioned to Larry and David his armed guards “These guys came with the donation.” After the sip he said “ah..delicious” very loudly.
Be sure to tune into the Oscars on March 4th 2019!